One of the really, really important aspects of youth ministry is developing relationships with the teens who come to your ministry. There are certainly many students who are quick and willing to make relationships with adults and talk and talk and talk and tell you more than you ever wanted to know.

On the other hand, my observation has been that a lot of youth are reserved when it comes to making relationships with adults. Young people are often times uncertain or simply untrusting. My thought has always been that most kids want to make good relationships with youth leaders, but often do not know how.

As youth leaders, we have to be proactive about meeting, reaching out, and knowing our kids and in my experience, I have found that one of the key ways to developing relationships with the kids who come to my youth ministry is by asking questions; very simply, just showing enough interest in the student by asking questions about their daily routine and life. The question asking is not a formal procedure where you sit down with them “to have a talk.” Asking questions can happen as you greet them when they arrive for a ministry event. It can happen after youth service while he is waiting for his ride. Asking questions and building relationships can happen in lots of informal settings, but it is critical that youth leaders do it and do it well.

So, do you know what to ask your kids about?  If you need a jump start in forming relationships with kids who come to your youth group, try these ten questions….

1. How was your day today?
2. How is school going?
3. Do you have any favorite or least favorite classes?
3. Are you on any teams? What do you enjoy?
4. Who are your friends here at this youth group?
5. How is your family?
6. Is there anything I can pray about for you?
7. Are you glad to be here tonight? (Be careful on this one. They may be real honest and tell you, “No, my mom made me come!” I have had it happen.)
8. Do you have big plans this weekend?
*This question can tell you a lot about a student. The answer to this question will give you great insight into their lives, what they do, and their families. Does the youth have to go to a “dad’s house” this weekend, which would imply a divorce and custody situation. Is there a big game or dance competition which would tell you a lot about their interests? Do they tell you that their parents are going out of town and they are going to hang out with their friends all weekend which would give you some insight into the supervision of that student?  Whatever the answer, this question is a good one.

9. How is work? (If they have a job.)
10. How was the game? Did you do alright?

I can spend a lot more time giving you questions to ask but start with these and I bet you will get some conversation going which may start some great relationship building.

One of my volunteer leaders is, in my opinion, just a master of developing relationships with teenagers. On the issue of asking questions, here is his advice:
“Greg, there are a lot of kids who go to our group so it’s not always easy. I just try to remember one or two things about the kid and their interests, and I am sure to ask about those things each week I see them. For example, if I know they show animals, then that will be the topic to start with each time I see them.”

One more thing; sometimes you will try to ask kids questions and they just are not interested in talking to you. That’s ok. Make very sure you tell them how glad you are that they came to church that night. And the next week, when you see them, try asking some questions again. Sooner or later, that young person is going to see that you really care and a great relationship can begin forming.

Popularity: 66% [?]

Details matter! Let’s be sure we get that straight right from the start…details matter. If you were in one of the college classes I teach or a member of my youth leadership team, you might even get tired of hearing that little phrase “details matter”. So, what do I mean by “details matter?” Read on and find out.

Details are those little things we do in youth ministry that make a BIG difference. And at first glance, you may ask “What difference do those details make?” I submit to you today that it makes a bigger difference than you think. Let me give you some examples of details. Keep in my mind that this list is not exhaustive, but the following are common details that I see overlooked in the youth ministries I consult with.

* All necessary copies made before the youth service/meeting starts.
* All materials / supplies needed for activities and games ready, out, and in order.
* Sound is correct. All microphones work properly and ready to use.
* Youth leadership team is early or at least on time.
* There are youth leaders present early to insure proper supervision of arriving teens.
* At least one youth leader is outside before meeting to greet arriving students and demonstrate to parents that adults are present and watching.
* If using pencils, they are all sharpened / markers all work.
* Room is arranged / chairs set up, etc. BEFORE students arrive.
* Youth leaders stay after the meetings until the majority of students have left. At least one male and one female staff stay until ALL youth have left the property.
* Youth Pastor’s office is neat, orderly, and professional.
* Youth nights are planned in such a way that no gaps of free time exist. Back up activities are in place if other activities turn out to be too short.
* Youth leader can easily locate copies of paperwork such a release forms, information packets, and coming event fliers.

Please believe me when I tell you that this list could go on and on! But maybe the above gives you a little insight into what I mean when I say details matter. Now, why do details matter so much? Let me share with you a couple of thoughts.

First, watching the details is of paramount importance as it relates to group management. When copies are not ready, pencils are not sharpened or there is not a plan that takes the entire youth time, then groups of students can quickly get out of control. For example, if you have 25 middle school youth in a bible study and you have to leave the room to make copies, those 12-14 year olds may find some very creative things to do while you are gone and you may not be pleased with the results! Or imagine that you have those same 25 early teens and you are going to leave it to them to set up the chairs and tables for the meeting. The potential chaos that could follow may take a large part of your youth time just setting up and getting the students back in order. My point is this; taking care of the details will assist greatly in effectively managing groups of students during youth activities.

Second, watching the details adds credibility to your ministry. Whether you realize it or even care, other people are watching your youth ministry. Parents may be totally involved in the ministry or just get a glimpse as they drop Johnny off, but parents are watching. Other people in the church are watching the youth ministry. Maybe you have ministry supporters, maybe you have those who want no youth ministry, but they are all watching. Watching the details adds quality to the ministry. And quality adds credibility to the ministry.

Think through this scenario. Maybe you decide to offer a retreat weekend for your high school youth members. Mrs. Smith, whose daughter is new in the ministry, is deciding whether she will allow her 9th grade child to attend the retreat event. But every time Mrs. Smith drops her daughter off at youth group, she does not see any adults. When she stops by to pick up the information, the youth pastor searches his desk pushing aside empty soda cans, open books, papers, and CD’s mumbling, “Now where did I put those permission forms?” Now, the youth pastor may be just the most responsible best guy around, but he has done nothing to demonstrate that to Mrs. Smith. All she knows is what she has seen. It could be legitimately asked if he cannot keep with permission forms, is he capable of keeping up with a group of high school students on a trip.

I have a challenge for you today; think about the details in your youth ministry. Are you giving that extra effort to step beyond the accepted norm mediocre and going for real quality? In all my years doing this, I have learned that quality flows from the details, and details matter!

Popularity: 3% [?]

One of the very important tasks of the youth leader is the planning
and implementation of curriculum.

I realize that this process may be very different from church to
church. Some churches have Christian Education professionals or
committees whom decide on curriculums for all ages.

Other churches, particularly in their Sunday school, will adhere to
a quarterly, often denominationally published. Still, there are other
churches which have no idea what they are teaching month to month
(or even week to week in some situations) and depend on a variety of
resources for the instruction of their kids.

Yes, there certainly are a lot of approaches to curriculum decisions
for youth groups. I do not know what your churches approach is, but
let me say this:

Curriculum decisions, design, and instruction is a CRITICAL element
of
successful youth ministry. In short, what a youth leader chooses to
teach and the way he/she teaches is of paramount importance!

Currently I am teaching a Youth Ministry Skills course at a local
Bible College. I will submit to you, the reader, the same thesis I
gave
that class of young youth ministry students the first day of class:

You can be the finest trained Bible scholar around but unless you
can make it relevant and teach so that a 14 year-old can get it,
you are sunk!

With this in mind, I would like to spend the next several articles
sharing some thoughts on the subject of curriculum decisions,
design, and instruction.

I think it goes without saying that the following articles will not
be exhaustive on the subject. However, I hope to throw out some
principles that will get you thinking about your approach to
curriculum
decisions, styles of presentation, and some tried and true teaching
techniques that will reel in even the most disengaged of teenagers.

I pray the following entries will be helpful and encouraging to
you. This subject of curriculum design and teaching is close to my
heart and I really love writing and speaking on the subject.

I was at a church in New York doing a youth leader seminar. A new
committee had been formed to oversee the ministry and I was asked
if I would sit in and observe the meeting and offer any insights
that may be helpful. It was fun and they were a great group of
laborers for the Lord.

When it came to a discussion about what the group would discuss and
learn about in the bible teaching time, several of the leaders chimed
in with statements like:

“I really want to teach End Times in the book of Revelation.”

“I read a great poem on attitude. We should teach about that.”

“I have a great lesson on prayer that I did with the adults.”

And on the discussion went….

Now, do not misunderstand me, maybe there were some great lessons to
be taught on end times, attitude, and prayer. But these people were
forgetting to ask one very important question:

What do the kids need?

Maybe you do have a lesson you are really excited about…great! But is
it the right time to teach that lesson or are you just excited about
it?

Friends, this issue is so fundamental! When you are putting
together your next quarter of teaching, please think and pray about
what your kids really need. Remember this basic tenant of teaching
teenagers: If it is not relevant, it is not real. And because of
this, youth leaders need to be plugged into what their kids really
need to be hearing.

This topic then begs the question, “How does a
youth leader know what their kids need?”

I’ll touch on this topic in my next post.

Popularity: 2% [?]