Are They Really Resilent?

“How are you doing” I asked one sixth grade student the other
night. She was standing alone after our weekly youth rally. I had
observed her from a distance dialing her cell phone, closing it,
and dialing again. After a few moments she was wiping tears from
her eyes.

“I guess I am OK Pastor Greg.” She replied sheepishly.

I looked at her and simply said, “I don’t believe you.”
More…

That is all it took and then a flood emotions came out.

You see, this twelve-year-old spends Monday through Wednesday at her
dad’s house 40 miles away in another city and with her mom Thursday
through Sunday in town. But there was a conflict as to who was
going to get her from youth group that night.

Mom was busy with her new boyfriend and her dad and step mom were out
to dinner and did not want to drive so far and grandma was already
sleeping.

Her math homework was still at dad’s house but her history was at
mom’s and her book bag was at her friend’s house. She would get in
trouble with the teachers again for not having her materials.

“I’ll probably get detention” she said with a tear stained face.
“My life feels so crazy.”

“She’s resilient; she will get through the divorce.” This same
girl’s mom told me several months ago when school first started.

But is she really that resilient?

Lee is just a great kid. The 9th grader always hugs me no matter
where I see him. He is a country boy who is not always the best
behaved with his friends. But, one on one he is truly one of the
neatest kids I have ever encountered. Yet, my heart breaks for him.

His family is so alcoholic. Since the death of his older brother,
the drinking at home has increased and I firmly believe Lee has
never grappled with the tragic loss head on.

Lee’s mom says he will be fine. “Lee is very resilient” she told me
on the phone last week. Mom returns to the bottle and Lee is dying
inside.

I find myself this week asking the same question that I have asked
myself for years: Are children and teenagers as resilient as adults
would like to think? Or is the truth that adults use “kids are
resilient” as their way to pardon themselves from dealing with the
hurt their children are feeling?

I want to be very careful. There are many sides to every story and
it is not my place to cast judgment on how families operate and
deal with their kids. But, I must be clear on one thing. This idea
that all kids are resilient, and are barely bothered by broken
families and upside down lives, is simply absurd.

Hurt and rejection run deep. Hurt and rejection must be ministered
too. Hurt and rejection cannot be written off with the title, “Kids
are resilient.”

For those of us in youth ministry, let’s pray for and encourage our
kids who are wrestling with the hurts that come from broken homes.

Our Lord Jesus is the Great Healer and it is His love and power
that can wipe away every tear and rebuild broken kids and families.

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